Feb 13-17 Orientation Photos

It takes two people to change, doesn't it?

I sometimes get calls from employers who are frustrated and ready to replace their helpers. On a recent phone call, the employer ended with "Afterall, both parties have to want to change, before things can get better."  Right? Wrong!

It doesn't matter if you are employer or employee, husband or wife, parent or child -- you have the power to change your relationships, to make them better. The key is: You have to change! I know you are thinking, "I'm not the one who needs to change." "I'm the boss, she should change, not me." That is what is called "stinkin thinkin". If you are the boss, then you are the leader. You should set the tone, set the example. You are the powerful one. Change your world, by changing yourself. 

Have you ever played one of those games where everyone crisscrosses their hands and then has to try to untangle themselves into a circle without breaking contact? We are connected to each other. If I try to change you, it won't work. You will feel belittled, dis-respected and resentful. BUT, if I change myself, the way I treat you, the way I react to your bad behavior, etc., I WILL EFFECT YOU. We cannot directly change others, but we can indirectly effect or change them by changing ourselves. 

To put it another way: it's like math. 5+5=10. But what if I become an 8? 8 + ? = 10. People around us automatically adjust to changes in us. It's like dancing, change the way you lead, and your partner will eventually change too. (Of course, they step on your feet a few times in the process of learning the new dance.)

Why not try an experiment? Read my article on "How to give feedback without becoming a nag" (I wanted to use another word in place of "nag", but didn't think it was polite). Change the way you give feedback to your employee. Follow the guidelines strictly, and avoid all questions like "Why did you ....?" which are "blame questions", and focus on the event, the outcome, and the change you would like to see. Try it for 30 days, and see if your relationship doesn't improve. You may also want to try it with your spouse, and kids. 

Let me know how it goes, won't you?

Help Wanted @ Arrow

Arrow is looking for a full or part time customer care representative. New customers contact us everyday and we want to respond to them promptly and appropriately. We are a service company, so the right person will enjoy serving others, helping them to find a helper who is a good fit for their families and needs. Applicants should be fluent in Chinese and English, have good computer skills, and genuinely enjoy helping others. Our work environment is relaxed, caring and fun. If you want to know more, send your CV to allan@arrowes.hk. 

Allan Smith

How to give feedback to your helper without turning into a nag

Employees need feedback. Some employers think "I told them clearly once, and I wrote them a long job description. Isn't that enough?" NO, it's not enough. You don't get things the first time you hear them and neither does your helper. I listen to an excellent podcast called "Manager Tools". The suggestions below are a variation of their excellent guidelines on giving employee feedback.

The purpose of feedback: It's about future behavior, NOT past behavior. The purpose of feedback is NOT to berate or criticize your employee for past mistakes. The entire purpose is to help them perform better in the FUTURE. 

The timing of feedback: Feedback should be given within one week of the event. If you wait too long, the employee won't remember the event. If you forget, don't worry, the employee is likely to do the same thing again.

Ask permission to give feedback: I can hear some of our customers now thinking "No way! I'm the boss. I'll give feedback when I want to give feedback." Well, this advice may fall on deaf ears, but feedback will be better received if you ask permission first. What does it cost you to be polite and say, "Polly, I want to give you some feedback on dinner last night. Have you got a few minutes?" 

Focus on Behavior and Outcomes: Do NOT talk about motives. You don't know their heart. Assume they have a good heart, that they are here to serve you well and provide for their family in the process. Talk about behavior and outcomes, then tell them what behavior needs to change or be continued.

"Polly, I want to talk to you about this morning. Have you got a minute? Yesterday you woke up at 6:30 instead of 6:00. Because you were late, I had to help get the kids out the door, and I myself was late to work. Your late rising caused me to experience a lot of pressure and stress, and to be late to work myself. In the future, I expect you to be up by 6 a.m. OK? Thank you."

" Polly, can I talk to you about dinner last night? I thought the soup was really delicious. I hope that next time you'll make it just that way again. In the stir fry, the celery was chopped too thick. The result was that it was not cooked properly and was hard to chew and swallow. Next time please cut the celery 1/2 again as small. Do you understand what I mean?  Would you like me to show you the technique for chopping the vegetables again? Thanks."

"Polly, I want to talk to you about the laundry. When you ironed the clothes, you burned my blouse. I bought that blouse when I was in Canada last summer, and it is one of my favorites. Now I won't be able to enjoy wearing it, and I won't be able to find another like it here in Hong Kong. I'm also going to have to spend time and money to buy a replacement. Next time, I need you to read the label (show her the label) on each garment before you iron it. If it says "don't iron", please don't iron it. If it says "iron on low heat" use the low heat setting (show her on the iron). Do you understand what I need from you? Thanks."

Read the above examples outloud. How long did it take? Feedback doesn't need to take a long time. If you're talking more than 1 or 2 minutes, you are probably talking too much. Don't vent your emotions on your employees. Focus on behaviors, outcomes and expected change. You should be able to smile when you give feedback. If you feel emotional, then wait for a time when you are calm to give feedback. Why don't you give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Allan @ Arrow

It's Christmas! Let's help those who have lost everything!

You've come to this page looking for a good helper. If you want to go straight to our helper bios or read about how we work we understand, but we know that Arrow customers genuinely care about those people who work for their families, so if you don't mind, take a minute and consider the needs of those in the Southern Philippines who are suffering so much at this holiday season.

Pastor Alex lives and serves God and people in Cagayan de Oro, one of the areas worst hit by the recent flooding. Here is his report on what conditions are like now:

"Cagayan-de-Oro was hit by a strong typhoon last Friday, Dec 16. It was the most destructive and tragic calamity in the history of our city. As of today there were already 957 dead, 50 are still missing and more than 40,000 homeless temporarily sheltered in Public Schools and Village Centers.

From our Cell Groups there were 6 children dead, 5 adults dead, 22 people missing and 185 families lost their homes. Heavily damaged are the Congregation of Homer in Consolacion and the Congregation of Reynante in Macasandig. Large portion of the city has no electricity and no water supply for two days now because the city water reservoir was damaged.

Our family and most of the Church members are okay and busy helping the flood victims. We are using all our Church vehicles to deliver water every morning and afternoon from our home to the victims. The city government used the local fire trucks to deliver water but was not enough. 

The immediate needs right now are the following:

1.    Potable Water
2.    Food (Milk for children)
3.    Medicine (Anti-Bacterial, Anti-Diarrheal, Fever and Cold, Skin infection)
4.    Beddings (Blanket, Mats and Mosquito Nets)
5.    Rubber Thongs 

Thanks for your prayers and continuous support.

Alex & Cynthia (alexeduave@yahoo.com)"

How Can You Help?

Send Cheque (ONLY accept US$ Cheque):
CCMN, 3/F, no. 10 Anchor Street, Tai Kok Tsui, Kowloon, Hong Kong.
(Please write down clearly “Support Philippines” and write down your name, email and contact no.)
Please state the name “Cell Church Missions Network” on the cheque clearly.

Send TT:
Here is our bank account information:
Name of Bank: Hang Seng Bank Limited
Address of Bank: Head Office, 83 Des Voeux Road, Central, Hong Kong
Swift Code: HASE HKHH
Name of Account: Cell Church Missions Network
Account No.: 227-257979-668
Bank Code: 024

(Please write down clearly “Support Philippines”

and write down your name, email and contact no.)

If you have any enquiry, please contact CCMN email: (ccmndanielchan@gmail.com / ccmnkathy@gmail.com) or phone no.: (852) 2772-4760