Finding the Perfect Match for Your Home
A client called at the Arrow office one morning, “ I want to find a helper that is perfect match for my family, can your company deliver that for me?”
I was taken aback at the implications of this question. First, is there such a thing as a “perfect match”? And secondly, if such a thing exists, does Arrow have the ability of the company to deliver the “perfect match”?
We tend to think that looking for a helper is like shopping for a new pair of trousers. We move round to different stores; look at the pants worn by the perfectly shaped mannequins and then choose a handful of pairs based on our size to take to the fitting room, hoping to find one that will make our body look like the mannequins.’
The main difference between helpers and trousers is this: trousers don’t change to fit your body, while helpers adjust to fit into your home.
I do not mean that ALL helpers can successfully adapt to your home. There are those who are not suitable to work as domestic helpers in Hong Kong. There are those who are not physically able to do the job. Other would not have sufficient command of the English language in order to communicate across the linguistic divide. Others may have bad records in society that should raise red flags for a job that requires so much trustworthiness. On the more subtle side, there are those who do not have the emotional resilience to bear the loneliness of working away from home. Others may have an attitude that refuses to adjust to a new work environment albeit this is harder to discern. This is one important task that Arrow does for you: we filter out the obvious misfits.
How can you find a helper that can work well in your household? Here are a few guidelines:
1. Have a clear purpose in hiring a helper. One common reason people hire a helper is to release some members of the household to engage in income generating activities. After the kids have grown to school age, a spouse may want to go back to work; or the family may need someone to watch over an aging parent while the sibling goes to work.
2. Define what areas you need your helper to focus on. This will help you find what strengths you are looking for in an applicant. For example, you are expecting a baby but you desire to take care of the baby as a full time mom. You foresee that you will not be able to attend to the household chores even though you are staying at home. Look for someone whose strength is in household chores and who has a disposition for and is teachable in baby care. You may not be able to find someone who perfectly matches your wish list, but you will be able to hire someone who is strong in the areas you need most.
A clear definition of the task of the helper will also help your helper stay longer. If you aren’t clear in your job description and expectations before hiring a helper, you may end up with someone who is weak in the areas you most need. They won’t be able to perform up to your standards, and both you and your helper will feel frustrated.
3. Look at the applicants experience and score box. At arrowes.hk you can find helper bios that gives you a background on the work experience and a score card with our trainer’s assessment on the various areas of the applicants’ skill set. With these tools you can make a short list of helpers to interview.
4. Validate the information you gathered through the interview. During the interview, you will gain more understanding of the background of the applicant. It is also during these interviews that you can allow your intuition to take part in making the judgment.
Now how can we help our helpers “fit” into our household? Here are some suggestions.
1. Be Kind. Most helpers arrive with some feeling of apprehension, about having an “unkind” employer. During our post-arrival orientation we help them talk about and face this fear, but you can help them overcome this by giving them a warm and assuring welcome.
2. Communicate well. Give them feedback about their work. Be generous with praise especially with the task that is done well. Their first month is engaged in “calibrating” to your domestic standards of household work. Be sure to let them know how you want the work is done.
3. Orient them. Be sure to give them sufficient orientation to their work especially the ones that are related to their main areas that you require of them. Orient them also on how to respond to emergencies, what numbers to call or where to go for help. Show them how they can access to their personal needs, like their bedspace, access to food when they are hungry and when to use their phones.
4. Give them a proper day off. The Bible teaches that the seventh day will be a day of rest. This is meant to be a time when people could re-create themselves in order to grow as a person. Oftentimes, helper use their days off to communicate with family back home, to send money, meet with friends, attend seminars, worship and just simply rest. Give them sufficien time for themselves.
We encourage our Arrow ladies to take part in the activities of Jubilee International Filipino Fellowship during their days off. In our times together at Jubilee, we encourage one another and learn how to live according to the values taught in the Bible.
5. Encourage your helper to grow as a person. Becoming part of your household and adjusting to life in Hong Kong is a big step of growth. Personal growth should go farther than simple adjustment to HK. Allow them time to rest, especially if they have finished the days work. Give them personal time to read and learn new things for themselves. We and our Philippine agency partner gave these helpers a Bible, a book, Helper’s Helper, full of tips on working as domestic helpers in Hong Kong and a subscription to Our Daily Bread. We encourage them to read at least thirty minutes everyday to expand their minds. You may also wish to loan them a book or magazine article that you have found inspiring, but if they don’t have any personal time or energy to read, then it won’t do much good.
When it comes to hiring a helper there is no perfect match, because there are no perfect employers and no perfect helpers. Instead we should have a goal to find a person who fits our needs and criteria well, and then, after they arrive, build a good relationship where there is continuous growth and mutual encouragement.
We welcome you to leave comments below. We would love to hear your feedback, and your best ideas for getting the most out of your employees.
Dr. Jorge De Ramos
The Help
Ione and I recently finished listening to the audio version of The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It's a fantastic book about what it was like for African American women in the 1960's to work for white families in Jackson, Mississippi. Last night we went and saw the movie. For anyone who has read the book, the movie seems to leave out too much important information, but still it was very good. The theatre was full and the audience applauded at the end. If you are considering hiring a domestic helper or you already have hired a helper go see this movie. If you are working as a helper, you probably can't afford to go to the movie, so wait til the video comes out, and we'll watch it together.
Are you giving your helper "pasma"?
Pasma or Pasmado: An Ailment that is Purely Filipino
Filipinos have this ailment called “pasma” or its adjective “pasmado.” This ailment affects the limbs particularly the arms and at other times the lungs. Its symptoms vary like having sweaty palms, or soles of the feet or shaky hands. The word is also used to explain pain on the hands and limbs and even general weakening of the body.
The word had its roots from the Spanish “espasmo” which translates into “spasm.” The ailment is commonly recognized as “folk illness,” which means this illness is defined by Filipino culture defined rather than conventions western medicine. The medical sciences has yet to look into this folk illness.
According to Filipino culture, one will suffer from “pasma” when there is a sinister interaction of hot and cold in the body. When one had just finished an activity that makes the body hot, care should be taken that the body should not cool down too quickly. A common application of this belief is that one should avoid getting his hands wet right after doing the chore of ironing clothes.
This matter has become a common flash point between the Filipino helper and her Hong Konger employers.
In our new-comers’ orientation sessions for helpers working in Hong Kong, we have found it challenging to explain to them that they may have to change their bathing schedule. Filipinos are used to bathe in the morning while their Chinese hosts/employers would want the members of their household to bathe before they go to bed. We warn them that at times they may have to do cooking right after doing the ironing of clothes. In the minds of these Filipino helpers this is a sure fire way of contracting “pasma.” On a number of sessions I would jokingly challenge that “pasma” never exists in Hong Kong (lit., “hindi uso and pasma sa Hong Kong”). Oftentimes, my jokes were received with a somber reprimand - “pastor, this is serious thing.”
Just recently I took one helper who believes she was suffering from “pasma.” We took her to the doctor and she was diagnosed with muscle pain. She was given liniment and some pain reliever. We also helped her find a good “hilot” (massage therapist) to bring relief to her ailment. She explains that her particular “pasma” was caused by having to take a shower right after doing the ironing.
We saw one who says she was “pasmado” to the point that she cannot move her arm. Her pain was almost unbearable. Her limb felt like dead weight on her body. The doctor later diagnosed it as acute carpal tunnel- a serious disease. I had a difficult effort to explain to her what the disease is all about as she attributed the cause to the heavy load of ironing and having to wash her hands afterwards. There are other precipitating factors than just hard work. To the Filipinas who learned about her ailment, they were struck with fear as to what the lifestyle in Hong Kong can do to their health as well.
One time, one helper had a mild stroke, half of her body was paralyzed. The doctor dutifully did the necessary tests and was very sure of his diagnosis, but many of the Filipinos who heard about her ailment say that this is one case of “pasma.”
How can the matter be handled? How can the cross-cultural conflict be avoided?
A good and open discussion about the helper’s schedule particularly the one that involves ironing, cooking and bathing will accomplish much. Moreover, employers should also understand that each individual Filipino may vary in how they believe in “pasma” vis a vis the conventions of medical science. Some of them may totally not believe in it.
Keep in mind that it will be futile to argue against the worldview or belief system of another person with the intent of changing it. So for starters, to give leeway to accommodate your helper’s belief on the matter and through open dialogue you maybe able to help them have a broader perspective on the matter “pasma.”
Train your baby to eat healthy while in the womb
NPR (National Public Radio) from the US has a fascinating report on recent research that shows that you can influence babies while still in the womb or breastfeeding to "like" healthy food. Here's an excerpt:
"Want your child to love veggies? Start early. Very early. Research shows that what a woman eats during pregnancy not only nourishes her baby in the womb, but may shape food preferences later in life.
At 21 weeks after conception, a developing baby weighs about as much as a can of Coke — and he or she can taste it, too. Still in the womb, the growing baby gulps down several ounces of amniotic fluid daily. That fluid surrounding the baby is actually flavored by the foods and beverages the mother has eaten in the last few hours.
"Things like vanilla, carrot, garlic, anise, mint — these are some of the flavors that have been shown to be transmitted to amniotic fluid or mother's milk," says Julie Mennella, who studies taste in infants at the Monell Chemical Senses Center. In fact, Mennella says there isn't a single flavor they have found that doesn't show up in utero. Her work has been published in the journal Pediatrics."
Life in the Philippines
I've spent the last week living with a houseful of Filipinos (when I say houseful, I mean 15 people). Here are a few observations about the lifestyle here:
- They value community. It is not polite to eat until everyone is gathered. They will let me, the foreigner skip a meal, but noone else can. It doesn't matter that we just ate a big meal at the training center. When we get home, we're expected to eat again to show respect for the effort of the cooks. It sounds like a recipe for obesity. They love to sit in the Sala (living room) together and watch TV in the evening. The shows give them a pretext for chatting, joking and having fun.
- They are hardworking. The sun comes up at around 5:30 and by 6 p.m. the house is being cleaned by the guests (Arrow ladies). They scrub the floor by hand, make all the beds, fold up all the clothes, even the dirty ones. One lady did my ironing and now even my underwear are pressed.
- They are careful with property. My computer and phone charger cords are carefully unplugged and rolled up everyday. I tend to dump my dirty clothes in a heap. When I come back I find them folded nicely in my suitcase. I think that people who have too many things don't treasure them. Filipinos are poor. They treasure and take care of their clothes and possessions. I bought a pair of basketball shoes for a young man who exercises and plays ball with me here in Cabuyao. When I came back on my next trip, I found out that he won't wear them. They are such a treasure to him, that he doesn't want to wear them! I have to really encourage him before he would wear them.
- They are clean. They bathe 2x a day, in the a.m. and before bed. They like their clothes to look nice, even if they are poor and worn out, they will be clean and ironed.
- Filinos, by and large, love children. Marvin, the 1 year old in the house, is passed from lady to lady. They are confident and very patient. I have never heard anyone shouting at another person, and certainly not at the children.
- They are generally God-fearing, and believe in God, even if they don't know much about him.
Of course there are exceptions, but then again we say "exceptions prove the rule", don't we?
Allan, from the Philippines
Thank You!
Thank you for contacting Arrow in your search for a Helper! Here is what you can expect within the next few days:
- Within the next 24 hours our staff will try to contact you, so we can understand your needs and expectations for a helper.
- With your permission we will send you the bio information of some ladies we think might be a good fit for you. All of our current ladies are available on our website, and we welcome you to browse the bios and talk to us about the ones you think might be a good fit. If we think an applicant is unsuitable for you, we won't hesitate to tell you.
- After you've narrowed the field to 2-4 possibles, we will arrange interviews via skype, so you can see and talk to the applicants. You do this from the comfort of your home.
- During Orientation weeks (our training in the Philippines) we are too busy to send out bios to customers, and instead will schedule you for a 1 hour block of time, where you can interview ladies directly from our training camp in the Philippines. During 1 hour, you can usually interview 3-4 well qualified candidates. Be prepared to make a quick decision, because the customers who follow you on the schedule may interview and hire the lady you like best.
- Once you have decided on whom to hire, you can come into our office and complete the paperwork, or, for a small fee, we will send someone to your office with the documents.
Here is a link to our fee schedule.
We are honored that you have decided to give us a chance to serve you.
Allan & Ione Smith
Recruitment Challenges
Currently my biggest challenge as the owner and manager of Arrow is finding enough good quality helpers for our Hong Kong customers. Our HK customers are good people who deserve to have a good selection of helpers to interview and choose from. We are actively recruiting in the Philippines, giving discounts to applicants, taking out advertisements, and doing our best to get more applicants into the pipeline. Besides the training this week, we have scheduled another week of training next week, and hope to have another 10-20 applicants.
We have some good ladies over the age of 40, but the market doesn't seem interested in them right now. It's a shame because customers who hire older ladies are almost always delighted with them. Nevertheless, the market is speaking, and we need to recruit younger ladies to serve HK families.
Thank you for your patience. We hope to resolve these supply issues very soon.
Allan Smith, Arrow
New Arrivals Class
Philippine Passport Headaches
Greener Pastures in Icy Prairies (by Pastor Jorge De Ramos)
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Jubilee International Filipino Fellowship
CB Hong Kong/WorldVenture HK
20th Floor Sunbeam Commercial Building
Telephone +852 6761 5881
Why should I hire through Arrow?
Here are the 10 top reasons you should hire a helper through Arrow:
1. We pre-screen all applicants during our 1 week orientations, so that you can feel confident that you are hiring a good and capable person.
2. We conduct our own training in the Philippines, so that you can know that we are equipping helpers for the "real Hong Kong", imparting to them the attitudes and skills needed to succeed here.
3. We provide options both for refund and replacement, so that you can feel reassured that, in the event that things don't work out, you have good alternatives.
4. We follow up every placement, providing coaching and encouragement to both employers and helpers, so that you will have resources to help you in this sometimes complicated cross-cultural relationship.
5. We go the extra mile in serving, so that if you ever find yourself in a difficult situation (e.g. a sick helper & no time to take her to the doctor) you can rest assured that Arrow will do whatever we can to help out, taking helpers to the doctor, visiting in the hospital, etc.
6. We provide free mediation service, so that if you and your helper ever experience a breakdown in communication, you can come together and we'll sit down with you and help you resolve the issue, so that you won't have to change helpers in mid-contract.
7. We operate our own guesthouse, so that your helper has a place to go on her day off if she has International (not Sunday) days off. That way, you can feel assured that she is in a safe place on her rest day.
8. We work closely with a church, Jubilee Int'l Filipino Fellowship, so that on rest days and holidays, your helper will have a positive influence in her life, helping her grow both as a person and an employee.
9. We have an excellent reputation among the Filipino Community in Hong Kong. They know we treat workers well, and they know we attract high quality, fair employers, so that more and more well qualified Filipinos, want to find work through Arrow, making it easier for you to find a well qualified worker.
10. Our staff understands the Immigration Departments policies and workings, and we make sure the paperwork is done right the first time, so that your visa will be issued as quickly as possible.
Why we administer 2 pregnancy tests
At Arrow our applicants have a pregnancy test as part of their medical exam, and another pregnancy test before they are given their air ticket. The following excerpt from a news article explains why that is so important. Click this link for the whole article:
By JAMES HOOKWAY
ALABANG, Philippines—Buying a packet of condoms in a drugstore in this posh Manila suburb isn't as straightforward as it might appear.
"Do you have a prescription for that, sir?" the sales clerk at Mercury Drug asked a visitor recently as retirees waited in line for diabetes pills and other medication.
Don't send them away empty-handed
We can learn a lot from the ancients (even if you are not a believer; I am ). I've started following a Bible plan on "generous living" (Check out the YouVersion app on your android or I-phone). Today I read the following verse from the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 15:
When you release a male servant, do not send him away empty-handed. Give him a generous farewell gift from your flock, your threshing floor, and your winepress. Share with him some of the bounty with which the Lord your God has blessed you.
What does it cost you to be generous? When your helper completes her contract, or if you need to pre-maturely terminate the contract, why not send them away FULL? Why not pour some blessings onto them and their family? We sometimes help employers and employees to complete the paperwork for terminating the contractual relationship. I sometimes ask employers if they want to give the helper a little extra. (Of course, I don't say this in front of the helper) Sometimes I get this response: "She doesn't deserve any extra. I wouldn't even give her the 1 month salary, if I didn't have to." and they refuse to give the helper even one cent more than required by the contract. Honestly, let me ask "so what if she doesn't deserve it??? Do you deserve the blessings God has poured out on you?" (TYPE YOUR ANSWER HERE: _ _ ). Of course there are circumstances when I wouldn't give a helper extra. (e.g. dishonest or dangerous or outright disrespectful behavior), but that is rarely the case. Most of the time, if we prematurely terminate, it is just because they are not up to the job. Not their fault, just not a good match.
I believe that God has designed us to bless others, and when we do (whether they deserve it or not), then the world becomes a better place, and we become a better and happier person. Where is the downside in that? Hopefully you'll never have to terminate a helper. But even if your helper completes her contract and moves on to another employer, why not send her off with her arms full? Pour some blessing on her and her family. Then see how you feel. Be a blessing! What do you think?
Financial Literary for OFWs
Going the extra mile to find you a helper
We've rented a home here in Cabuyao, which helps us with expenses. The downside is: NO SCREENS and lots of mosquitos who want to try a caucasian meal.
An offer too good to refuse leads to a nightmare
The following article is from the worldvision.org website. WorldVision is a Christian organization dedicated to helping the poor escape poverty and oppression. Thankfully, this kind of thing won't happen in HK, but it is a frequent occurence in over countries around the world.
Arrow
When 15-year-old Mai* accepted an offer to work as a housemaid in Bangkok, Thailand, she didn’t know she’d end up trapped in a nightmare of forced labor and exploitation.
February 2011
By Cecil Laguardia and Peter Warski, World Vision communications.
Mai is now learning basic skills at a weaving shop. But she'll never forget the ordeal she faced as a forced laborer for over a year.
Photo: ©2010 Vanhlee Lattana/World Vision
At face value, it seemed like a great opportunity. The recruiter told Mai that she’d be paid about $100 U.S. for the position — money she could save up while spending time in a big, exciting city.
“All I wanted was to earn income, help my family, and be able to save money for my education,” says Mai. So her family helped her raise funds for the recruitment fee, and she crossed the border into Thailand.
Walking into a trap
But it didn’t take long for Mai to realize that the so-called “job” wasn’t at all what she was led to believe.
Along with two other Laotian girls, she was required to perform domestic chores at the residence of a Thai family — such as cleaning and mopping floors and feeding the family dogs. She was never paid a cent of the compensation she was promised.
“I cried every day for one year,” Mai recalls. “I was homesick and scared.”
A break didn’t come until one day when the lady living at the residence forgot to close the door on her way out — leaving an opportunity for Mai and the two other girls to escape.
A taxi driver took them to a police station. Soon thereafter, the apartment where they were trapped was raided.
‘We were treated like prisoners’
The terror is over, but the memories and lessons of it are not.
“My biggest lesson is that it is never safe for young girls to venture in a faraway place,” says Mai. “We were treated like prisoners and were not allowed to go anywhere. We worked all day. We were even beaten at times if we committed mistakes.”
Mai shares a laugh with one of the trainers at the weaving shop where she now learns.
Photo: ©2010 Vanhlee Lattana/World Vision
Reflecting on what good could possibly come from such a tragic experience, she adds, “It taught me how dangerous it is to go to another country, especially if you do not know anything. I am sharing my story to others for them to be forewarned.”
A time of recovery
With the help of a regional World Vision project aimed at fighting child trafficking, Mai was eventually reunited with her family in Laos. Now, she’s learning how to make bags and acquiring other basic skills at a weaving shop that is providing a second chance for survivors of exploitation like her.
“I want to learn new skills so I can move on,” she says resolutely. “I love making bags and would love to learn more.”
Sadly, Mai’s story is reflective of a much bigger global crisis — one in which some 1.2 million children are trafficked each year for forced labor. The practice occurs in every country in the world, including the United States, and represents a modern-day slave trade that World Vision is committed to ending.
*Name has been changed to protect the girl’s identity and safety.
Learn more
Learn more about child trafficking and exploitation and what you can do to help stop this tragic practice.
Three ways you can help
Please pray for children around the world like Mai who have been affected by trafficking and exploitation. Pray for their rescue and recovery, and pray for a transformation of those who commit this crime.
Make a one-time gift to help provide hope for girls in crisis like Mai. Your donation will help World Vision provide protection, counseling, education, vocational training, and more to girls and women who were formally subjected to abuse or exploitation.
Give monthly to provide support to children affected by exploitation. Your monthly gift will help provide assistance like safe shelter, nutritious food, medical care, trauma recovery counseling, and more to children who have suffered from trafficking and abuse.
Managing Anger
HP sent me an email newsletter today. Now I don't always read the newsletters that come into my inbox, but their article on handling anger was quite helpful, so I'm passing it on to you. Employers often get angry with their helpers, but in most cases the expressions of anger are counterproductive and lead to poorer performance. Our anger actually results in a more negative outcome. If that is the case, we need to find ways to handle our anger better. One thing is sure: Your helper's behavior or performance is going to soon or later make you angry! So how should we deal with our anger? Thank you HP for this good article.
How To Channel Anger Into Better Performance
Most of us get defensive and angry when our goals are frustrated or when we feel attacked by other people. Anger is normal, and it should be expressed: failing to express anger, and bottling it up, can build feelings of intense frustration and eventually lead to depression. However, if in your case being angry regularly turns into “losing your temper”, and if this is the only way you know how to deal with criticism and problems, it will not only damage your reputation and personal relationships but also cause stress-related diseases.
Aggression is not the same as assertiveness
Working with, or living with, someone who regularly loses their temper is extremely unpleasant and demoralising: it’s hard to trust a person when you are constantly worrying that they will turn on you and unleash their anger, often unpredictably. Don’t make the mistake of confusing fear with genuine feelings of respect: your employees are almost certainly looking for another job. And if you are looking for promotion, it is unlikely to happen: a good manager is assertive but not aggressive; a good listener and not a shouter.
However, the good news is that there are ways to help control anger and even channel it into a positive force, helping you explore problems more effectively and find real solutions. So next time you feel your temper rising, try the following:
- Stop. Don’t say anything. Breathe deeply, then silently count to ten. This will really help calm you down and relax. And it means you won’t just say the first thing that comes into your head – something you may regret later.
- You’re in control. Losing your temper may feel good at the time, but it won’t help in the long run – in fact, it will probably weaken your position and make you feel bad about yourself. Remember that you will command more respect if you stay calm, and that assertiveness and authority have nothing to do with loud aggressiveness.
- Take a break. If possible, say that you need some time to consider what has just been said, and arrange to meet again later. This will give you time to calm down, collect your thoughts and respond rationally. During this “time out”, try to do something physical to release your anger and frustration – for example, go for a short walk around the block. Repeat a calming phrase to yourself, like, “Keep calm,” or “Take it easy,” “Relax,” or “This too will pass.” When you come back, you will feel calmer and more positive.
- Win time. If you can’t go for a walk, reduce the tension by saying, “I’m not quite sure I’ve understood what you’re saying,” or, “Could you explain to me again what you mean?” This delaying tactic puts the ball in their court and stops you going on the offensive. Remember, staying calm and listening does not mean you aren’t in control.
- Don’t take it personally. Other people are not necessarily trying to annoy you on purpose. Difficult situations are simply part of the complex fabric of our lives, so approach them objectively. For example, it’s possible that your work was criticised because it simply wasn’t good enough; it was probably not intended as an attack on you personally or your ability in general.
- Remember. Different people have different standards, values and goals in life. Is there a good reason why they should conform to your standards? If so, tell them. Do you have unreasonable expectations? Maybe you should modify them. People who have strict standards for themselves tend to impose them on other people and then tend to react angrily when they don’t conform. Maybe you need to reassess your expectations for yourself. Sometimes you just have to accept the world the way it is.
- Think. Choose your words carefully. We often come to regret words spoken in anger, and in a professional situation particularly this is not going to help your reputation.
- Move on. Yes, you’re angry, but instead of wallowing in self-pity and anger, try to find a solution to the problem. Have your employees missed yet another deadline? Think before you shout. Is it really because they are lazy? Or are there real problems in the workflow? Are they unmotivated? Underpaid? Working weekends without any bonus or time off? Instead of working yourself into a rage, try to consider how you could help the situation, perhaps by praising their efforts more, or taking them out for lunch or a drink when a rushed job is complete. Take your angry feelings and channel the energy into solutions which benefit everyone. Similarly, if you are an employee, don’t bottle up your frustrations until you explode and shout at your boss – which could jeopardise your job. Instead, as soon as you start feeling angry, ask your boss for a private meeting and explain what you are feeling. If your boss is consistently unsympathetic and unhelpful, don’t waste time in negative thoughts: either accept the situation and try to make the best of it, or take action and start looking for another job. Either way, remember: losing your temper is only going to make it worse.
- See it with a sense of humour. Though this may not always be appropriate, a laugh will often help defuse tension.