I'll be home for Christmas - one way or the other by Kathy Lam

Christmas is the peak season for resignations among Filipino Domestic Helpers.     

Christmas is the peak season for resignations among Filipino Domestic Helpers. Here is what you can do to prevent your helper from resigning.           

Christmas is a BIG deal in the Philippines

The Philippines is the only Asian country with a majority of Christians, about 80% of people being Catholics. Therefore, Christmas is the most important holiday in the Philippines.  People in the Philippines like to celebrate Christmas for as long as possible! The playing of Christmas carols in shops can start in September! The formal Christmas celebrations start on 16th December when many people go to the first of nine pre-dawn or early morning masses. The last mass is on Christmas day. The Christmas celebrations usually continue until  the First Sunday in January. 

Christmas (Oct/Nov/Dec) is also the  peak season for resignations among Filipino FDHs. From October to December, more and more Filipino domestic helpers become homesick and want to celebrate Christmas with their families in the Philippines. Others will show signs of depression and their performance may suffer. 

As employers, what shall we do? How do we determine  if our helpers are  homesick or not? How to prevent them from quitting the job? Here are some suggestions:

My helper wants to take her annual leave during the Christmas season

Many helpers, even those who have  worked for less than 1 year, will ask their employer’s permission to have holidays back home in December. Their desire is so strong that if the employers refuses to give them holidays to meet their families, they will sometimes resign. - How should you handle such requests? 

Decide if this will work for you or not

If you can't possibly allow them to go home, tell them directly "I'm really sorry, I wish I could let you go home for Christmas, but we desperately need your service during that time. I know you miss your family greatly." Explain the difficulty to them and tell them you will make arrangements for them to have some good skype time with their families. 

If you can arrange it keep the following in mind:

• Remember, whenever a domestic helper takes one week annual leave , you need to also add one day for their weekly holiday;  7 days annual leave + 1 weekly day off = 8 days holiday.   You may also give the helper some unpaid leave so that she has enough time to travel home to the province, enjoy the holiday with her family, and then travel back to Hong Kong. 
• The helper is responsible to pay for her own annual leave travel arrangements. Unless she is finishing her contract or you are terminating the contract, you are not responsible to pay for her annual leave air tickets.  Some employers like to give full or half payment of the air ticket as a Christmas gift. Other employers will like to give the full or half payment of the air ticket when the helper return to Hong Kong, to encourage their helpers to come back after the holidays. No matter how you arrange things, please document clearly the calculation of holidays. 
• Tell your helper she needs to update her POEA OEC. Your helper can now update online here:  POEA OVERSEAS EMPLOYMENT CERTIFICATES (OEC)
• Write a letter stating that your helper is returning to the Philippines for annual leave and you intend to continue employing her until the end of the contract period. This will prevent problems going through Philippines Immigration.
• You may also wish to write an agreement with your helper to clearly state that failure to return from holiday will be interpreted as termination of contract. Here is a sample agreement.

Uniquely Filipino Nativity Scene

My helper is staying in HK for the Christmas holiday. What can I do to make her Christmas away from home a special time?

Give her a red pocket:

For helpers working in Hong Kong for less than 3 months, they can enjoy the statutory holiday WITHOUT PAY. That means the employer shall let their helper enjoy the statutory holidays but employers can deduct that day’s salary. We recommend that you treat your helper with generosity. Even if she is here less than 3 months, let her enjoy the Christmas Day WITH PAY. It is a practical way to show your concern and will help your helper to feel your love and care directly.

For helpers working for more than 3 months in Hong Kong, consider to give your helper a red pocket(with money) as Christmas as gift or bonus, so they can enjoy a better meal with friends. The amount is up to employer’s decision.

If you observe they show any signs of homesickness: your helper easily cries, has no facial expression, performance drops suddenly, you or your spouse (depends on who manages the helper) should find a time to talk to your helper, thank her for leaving home to work in your family, and then share with her your observations. Listen to her, comfort her and let her know that you appreciate her sacrifice for her family. 

Give your helper holiday on Christmas day: December 25th.

Employers can decide either to give their helper holiday on the Chinese Winter Solstice Festival or Christmas Day). Give her Christmas rather than the Winter Solstice if possible.

If you cannot manage to give your helper holiday on December 25, please consider to give her holiday on Christmas Eve. Give her longer time to use mobile to chat with her family member on Christmas. If you do not feel comfortable to share the wifi password with your helper, consider to lend her your computer or laptop, so they may use skype to chat with their family on Christmas.

Christmas is near, get prepared. May you and your helper enjoy a peaceful and Merry  Christmas.

Science and kid's sleep

Regular bedtimes and adequate sleep help kids avoid obesity, cuts down on misbehavior  and helps them excel in school.. Here's the latest insights from science. Why We Should All Be Putting Our Kids to Bed Super Early, According to Science. 

http://flip.it/gvtn9A

Filipinos as debt slaves and VICTIMS

Search for the terms "debt slaves" and "domestic helpers" and you'll find many articles decrying the ill treatment of domestic helpers in Hong Kong and blaming agencies for forcing helpers to borrow money to pay agency fees. * It undoubtedly happens and people shouldn't have to go in debt to get a job, BUT it also happens every day in the Philippines and NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

Did you know that in the Philippines - 

• first year teachers don't get paid UNTIL the END of the school year so in order to get by, the school loans them money and charges them a high interest rate. They start their career as debt slaves.
   

• Nurses have to pay large sums to take the nursing board exam and once they pass the exam, instead of getting paid, they have to pay a hospital to employ them for the first year. They start their career as a debt slave! 

I interviewed one applicant who worked in administration at the Univ. of the Philippines. I was perplexed - "Why do you want to be a DH in Hong Kong?" She said "my salary is only 6000 pesos a month". I said "No way! Impossible!" She told me that the University had loaned her money, payday loans, advances, medical loans etc. to help her make ends meet and now they KEPT most of her salary to service her debt to them. Her take home pay was now less than HKD $1000/month. She was a debt slave. 

"can we please stop treating helpers like they are unintelligent HELPLESS VICTIMS??"

Many of those in Hong Kong who are fighting on behalf of domestic helpers treat them as if they are an oppressed underclass, while completely ignoring the realities of life and work in the Philippines.  The Hong Kong and International  media pick up on this rhetoric and re-hash old stories of abuse to remind us that problems in the system are still with us today. Throughout their stories and the rhetoric of the NGO's agencies and HK employers and the HK government are portrayed as greedy and evil and OFWs are portrayed as powerless victims with few rights. It is a stark black and white tale. 

Our DH's deserve better working conditions, less hours, more pay, the right to live out, etc. The deserve a government free of corruption and a good economy at home so they don't need to work overseas unless they want to. They should be treated with fairness and dignity by both employers and agencies. But can we please stop treating them like they are unintelligent HELPLESS VICTIMS?? OMG! 

At Arrow we interview applicants every week and ask them why they are applying to Arrow. The most frequent answer? "My friend recommended me, so I did some research on the Internet to see what your reputation and charges were. Then I decided to apply to Arrow."  Is that the answer of an ill informed country rube who better watch her wallet? I know many things need to change in Hong Kong, but the picture the activists paint depicting all agencies and employers as devils and all applicants as helpless victims - I don't recognize this picture and for most Filipinos - I don't believe it to be accurate.

NGOs and activists know that the employment situation for Filipinos and Indonesians is very different (Indonesians almost always come to HK with debt, but most Filipinos now come to HK without paying agency fees and without debt related to their deployment). Still they lump them together and relive the story of Erwiana, an Indonesian maid who was tortured and abused by her employer (now in jail) and give the world the impression that this is the norm in Hong Kong. Black and white, good and evil morality stories are better for causing guilt and pressuring the powers that be to enact change. The truth is more nuanced, more gray and less useful for the cause.

I think that this rhetoric is demeaning to OFWs. The DH's that I know and have grown to deeply respect, are intelligent, loving, hard working, thoughtful and wise people. While in HK they save for their future, finish degrees, lay plans to start small businesses, serve God in Churches. There are many things I can call them, but you will never hear me call them VICTIMS. I wish my friends who care about their situation here would stop using the vocabulary of oppression and victim-ology. Let's fight for an end to the live-in rule, for reasonable work hours and better pay, but can you please give the "the agencies, the HK government and employers are evil monsters & helpers are powerless, uninformed victims" morality tale a rest? 

* Footnote: Since the implementation of the "zero placement fee" policy in the Philippines complaints against agencies from helpers has dropped by around 66% (according to what I was told by a labor official at the Consulate).  

Website goes down

Yesterday our website and around 1,000,000 others went down when Squarespace, our hosting company had an outage. Things are back to normal now, but it's a bit scary when you realize that your business won't function without the internet. 

http://uk.businessinsider.com/squarespace-is-reporting-a-major-outage-2016-4

The Consumer Council's Report on Complaints against Agencies

screenclip from the Consumer Council Report about domestic helper agencies

Yesterday the Hong Kong Consumer Council issued a report about complaints against employment agencies. (I've included a link to the English version.) They highlight 3 complaints and the report is highly subjective, but nonetheless interesting. The report is subjective because much of the complaints are about poor performance on the part of helpers, but the consumer council NEVER talks to any of the helpers to hear their side of the story. The agencies are blamed for the problems employers have with their employees and this is helpful in that it points out the weakness in the system of deploying helpers.

In one case after waiting months, the helper NEVER came, NEVER did a medical and the agency NEVER submitted the application to Immigration. The employer should receive a full refund (IMHO).

In another case the helper's video shows her speaking Cantonese but when she arrived she could NOT communicate in Cantonese.  The lesson: don't trust the videos. I went on one large agency's website and looked at bios. The lady's seem to have good English, but after watching her eyes I could see she was reading. We interview applicants via skype every Tuesday. In one interview the applicant's English pronunciation was excellent, but I noticed her looking down. After I told her to look directly at the camera and talk me, she couldn't answer simple questions. We naturally failed her.  Our customers have the chance to interview potential candidates at length and we give them tips on how to get around the answers the ladies have memorized ahead of time.  Employers complained to the Consumer Council about under performance. That is highly subjective and the helper should have the chance to share her side of the story. In almost every case, helpers need a month or two to rise up to HK standards. 

In the third case the helper deceived both the agency and the employer pretending she wasn't ex-Hong Kong. If the agency didn't ask clearly, check her passport stamps, etc. then they are at fault. The truth is that some applicants are deceitful and you have to be vigilant in your screening. At Arrow we interview and screen new applicants every Tuesday. Most don't pass. We have 3 staff involved and we consult with each other during interviews. We don't leave the screening up to our partner in the Philippines. They assist in checking documents, chops, etc., but we are responsible for choosing the applicants we want to present to our customers. 

The system agencies use is broken. You can't rely on info from the training schools, videos, and biodatas provided by partners overseas. When we started Arrow we rejected this system and decided to re-invent the wheel. We established our own training and determined that we would interview every applicant before accepting them. We also set up a system that allows our customer to interview applicants at length before deciding who to hire. We also made customer service and support services a high priority.  Our way of doing things is expensive, our staff costs are much higher than most agencies, but it provides our customers with some assurance that we have done our best to screen, train and support the candidates they hire. 

How to set consequences when training your child

Here's a great parenting tip from Empowering Parents. Wish I'd known this stuff.

A frequent question we hear from parents is, “What should I choose as a consequence?”

Our answer is always to choose a task-specific consequence. These are the consequences that will help your child practice skills and behaviors that need improvement.

READ MORE 

6 ways to turn a bad day into a "good day"

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day  

As Alexander in the famous children's book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad day"  can tell us - somedays it might be better to just stay in bed. The trouble is: you never know when you are going to have a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day". They just happen. When that day does happen, here are some ways to "Turn a Bad Day Around"*.  

Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage says that “Studies show that when you’re positive, you’re 31% more productive, you’re 40% more likely to receive a promotion, you have 23% fewer health-related effects from stress, and your creativity rates triple,”  Wow! I would like to be 31% more productive, have 23% fewer stress related health problems and be more creative.

So, how can we turn a bad day into a good day according to the experts? 

Pinpoint the problem

Have you ever said "I'm in a bad mood"? Someone might ask you "why?" and you answer "I don't know! I just am!"  Maybe your employer asks "Why do have that black expression on your face today?" Or your friend asks "What's wrong with you today?" You answer "Oh, I'm just having one of those days", but you are so busy you haven't stopped to focus on what is happening inside of your heart.  We need to give ourselves an emotional check-up several times a day. If you pray before meals, this is a great time to quiet yourself and ask "How am I feeling? What's going on in my heart?" If we can catch our bad moods early, we have a better chance of turning around our day.  If you find that you are upset, angry or sad try to pinpoint the cause. When did it start? What triggered these feelings? "I'm upset because my ma'am wouldn't listen to my explanation" OR "my friend won't answer my FB pm". Once you pinpoint the cause you can step back and refrain the picture:  "My ma'am was late for work and didn't have time to listen to me. Lord give her a good day today."  OR, "my friend probably has her phone off, is vacuuming, low bat, etc. I'll just be patient. She has a job to do too." Sometimes you might pinpoint an issue that needs addressing and you can pray and plan how to do that.

Take a moment to be thankful

Studies show that it is almost impossible to be thankful and depressed at the same time. When you find yourself experiencing negative emotions or a negative stream of thought - stop and find 3 things to be thankful for. "Lord thank you that I'm inside during this rainstorm and that the roof doesn't leak"; "thank you for this moment to relax and enjoy a cup of coffee"; "thank you for my friend Maria who sent me that funny joke this morning". You get the picture. There are plenty of things to say "thank you" for. Is your family well? kids doing ok in school? Do you have friends who support you? money in your pocket? a flush toilet? Choosing to be thankful is a great way to turn around your day. 

Take action

Do something positive! Taking even a small positive action can re-boot your emotions. Something as small as making your bed, doing some push-ups or sit-ups, eating a healthy snack like an apple when you would normally eat candy, pausing to witness something beautiful, a butterfly on a flower -- these actions can change the flow of your day. Better still, are small actions done for others - a small note in your ma'am's lunchbox saying "Thank you for being a great employer! I hope you have a wonderful day today!"; a FB note to a friend saying "Just wanted you to know that your sharing last Sunday was soooo encouraging. I'm grateful for you!" 

Change your routine

I can already hear you saying, "You're kidding right? My schedule is determined by my employer and every 15 minutes is accounted for. In addition to that she has cameras recording my every move. I can't stay in the CR too long without her commenting on it."  I agree - parts of our lives are regulated by others: bosses, teachers, etc., still we DO control some of our time. Stopping on the way to the market to admire and take a photo of a beautiful butterfly, flower or an interesting street scene can reboot your emotions. For me an uplifting song or music video like the theme to Rocky Balboa , totally reinvigorates me. 

Have realistic expectations

“Expectations can have a huge impact on mood,” says Achor.   “If I expect my flight to be canceled and it’s only three hours delayed, then I’m going to be thrilled. But if I expect it to be on time and then it’s delayed, then I’m going to be upset.” This sounds like I am saying "don't have expectations" or "expect the worst".  I am NOT trying to sell pessimism. We should be optimistic, but we need to also keep our feet planted firmly in reality. A realistic optimist expects life to be tough, but also looks for small graces (like a flower poking up through a crack in the concrete) and is grateful for them. If we expect our employer to be tough, then we are grateful and happy when they treat us kindly. If we expect them to be worried about the food budget, then we are thankful when they tell us to "eat more!" Have realistic expectations and 

Learn from your bad days to prevent future ones

Bad days are inevitable - unhappiness is optional!  When you do have a bad day, take time to review what happened and try to figure out why. If there were interpersonal conflicts, what percentage was your responsibility? What triggers set you off, made you lose your temper, started the black mood, etc.? What can you learn from this "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day".  Determine what you will do in the future to lessen the impact of a "Terrible, Horrible, No good, very bad day." Write it down. I hope that all your days are fantastic and full of balloons and butterflies, but when life finally does happen, and the sky comes crashing down, take action early and turn it around.

** Adapted from an article in the Harvard Business Review entitled "How to turn a bad day around".

5 Things your helper needs to be happy at work

Arrow Blog RSS

Filipino domestic helpers come to work in Hong Kong because they NEED money. They stay because they FEEL HAPPY in their work. If they don't feel happy in their work, no matter how much they need the money - they will sooner or later terminate the contract.  Here is what they need to happy at work. I've adapted these from a Fortune Magazine article entitled "Research shows you need these 5 things to be happy at work". 

Work that challenges you. 

We're already in trouble. Domestic helpers do housework, right? Wrong! Domestic helpers are household managers who keep the family and household running well ENABLING you to perform at your peak in your job and as a spouse and parent. Would Batman be able to function without Alfred Pennyworth his butler? What would Ironman be without his artificial intelligence Jarvis? Your helper's role in your family is important. If you don't tell her how important her role is, she will think of herself as a housecleaner, a maid, only. She won't perform at her optimum level and she won't stay long term.  Tell her how important her work is!

A sense of progress

We have a saying "a woman's work is never done". Housework is repetitive work and sometimes your helper feels like she is going no where in this job. She needs to know that 1) her performance is getting better and 2) the family is making progress. Every so often give her a high five, a well done! Let her know how much better organized things are now. 

No fear

Too many of our employers create a climate of fear for their helpers. They frequently scold them, shout at them, and threaten to fire them. We've even had male employers say "I will kill you if anything happens to my child."   Imagine if your boss regularly threatened you - how would it effect your job performance? We have a word for someone who constantly berates, criticizes and calls others names:  BULLY.  Create a climate of fear and your helper will leave.

Autonomy

Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People tells the story of training his teenage son to take care of the lawn during the summer. He told him he could choose how to achieve the goal but the standard for the yard was "clean and green". He then defined what "clean" was and what "green" was, and then left it to his son to achieve the goal. Like all workers, helpers hate to be micro-managed. Clearly define your goals and standards, but give them some freedom in how they finish the work. I

Belonging

When a helper comes to your home she is a "stranger in a strange land". She is desparate for acceptance and hopes your family will embrace her. This is not always the case, so Arrow has created a supportive community for helpers. Our 4 week followup classes help new arrivals build relationships with each other and mature Filipino leaders. Helpers who feel a part of the families they serve are happier and more well adjusted. 

Are these 5 things important to you in your job? How can you create a work environment where the work is challenging, where  workers have a sense of progress, where there is no fear, autonomy is rewarded and where there is a deep sense of  belonging,?  Share your thoughts. Leave a comment. 

Any Given Sunday

Here is a great article about HK Filipino culture and food, featuring some of our own JIFF/Arrow ladies, our Central team.

The power of a kind word

            Snip from a facebook message

One of our Arrow employers called to ask me about an issue with their helper who has been with them for 1.5 years. During the conversation they told me that she was good helper and tney appreciated her service to their family.  I used to facebook to contact the helper and ask a question for the employer. During our FB conversation I told her that her employer was grateful for her good service.  Her response is in the screen clip to the right:

"I'm still crying Pastor because I never expect and surprised me that they say that I'm very good (word supplied). I'm very thankful and God is good po." 

Filipino helpers are often starved for a word of encouragement. Hong Kong people don't praise a child once he past 3-5 years old. Once a kid hits school there is no more "lek jai, lek nui". 90% of the burden to adapt is on the Filipino helper, but the employer should also make an effort to adapt a little to meet the helper's needs. One of the biggest needs the helpers have is for a word of encouragement, some praise, a kind word once in a while. They would like to hear you say "that's delicious" or "I'm really grateful for you," or "good job". If you want to keep a helper long term, learn to give some affirming feedback.  They will strive with all their heart to please you if you give them some encouragement.

The chaos of parenting

Most of our customers are having their first kid and hiring their first helper. This video is dedicated to you. Welcome to parenthood.

howdoesshe.com guide to

Found this good 5 step approach to cleaning a room. Great for kids, but could be helpful for training a new helper too. 

20 Ways to Fall In Love All Over Again

20 Ways to Fall In Love All Over Again http://flip.it/SFIQ1 

Does your helper know what to do in an emergency?

Melanie from Helpwise.com.hk has some wise advice on getting your helper prepared to deal with emergencies.

Tagumpay June 21,2015

Sunday morning Tagumpay takes over the office 

Want healthy kids? Let them play outside and get dirty

This controversial parenting theory about health and cleanliness will make you question your childhood http://flip.it/iFQaG 

Pregnancy time lapse wow!

Arrow 's Kathy teaches baby yoga

Can you be both yourself and Mom?

My Greatest Parenting Failure http://flip.it/L5OSL 

Are you a "nag"?

I read this insightful "self examination" by a woman who realized she was abusing her husband with all of her nagging.  Employers (usually female employers) sometimes treat their helpers the same way. It makes everyone's life miserable. Have a read, and leave a comment.  Click HERE to read it now.