How Old Is Your Anger?
“‘Young’ anger is frustration that has recently emerged. You feel it. You can access it. You haven’t suppressed it. You can deal with it. ‘Old’ anger is anger that has been simmering underground and often out of awareness for a very long time, leading to feelings like bitterness, resentment, and even disengagement. “
Dr. Jim Jackson, licensed psychologist, author, Director of Behavioral Health at Vanderbilt Medical Center
I recently read an article with this quote. I never thought about the age of emotions. Young emotions are easier to deal with because they haven’t hardened. Old emotions are like a soup or stew that has been allowed to cook too long and is impossible to clean from the pot. The age of our emotions matters. Old emotions may point to past traumas, and if we treat them with curiosity, we can learn from them.
What does any of this have to do with managing a helper? Filipinos struggle with the emotion of fear. Displays of anger tend to make them either freeze or run away. HK people often struggle with the emotion of anger. When anger meets fear, fear runs away like a deer fleeing a lion. If you want to keep a helper for the long term, then it pays to learn how to manage your anger. People with anger issues do not keep helpers, and hiring a new helper every few months is an expense most of us can’t afford. AND, if we can figure out the source of our old anger, and deal with it, we’ll be happier.
I think the idea of young or old anger is helpful. If my anger is old, then it is probably NOT about my helper or the crazy thing she just did. It’s probably about some hurt from my past, and if I can recognize what it is then I can deal with it. If my anger is young, then I can take a deep breath, use a time out, and decide how to address the issue in a way that won’t scare my helper into resigning.
How old is your anger? Leave a comment.
