10 Smart Parenting Tips
Excellent parenting tips from The Good News about Bad Behavior by Katherine Reynolds Lewis
'Skip time-outs' and 9 other parenting secrets to fixing your kids' bad behavior http://flip.it/fnGtMl
Exhausted
This week I have had 4 helpers tell me that they plan to resign their posts. None of them have been at their job for more than 1 year. Three of them said the reason is "they are exhausted" and can feel their health beginning to run down. One of them is emotionally exhausted because the madam and po po criticize her work on a daily basis but in the almost one year she has worked for them she has NOT received one word of praise or encouragement. I mentioned this to one of our Arrow staff and she remarked "well this is HK Chinese culture".
At Arrow our goal for customers is to help them "find and keep a good helper", but some of our customers ignore our advice on managing workers from a Filipino cultural background, and the result is resignation. When given the choice of "my way or the highway" the helper almost always chooses "the highway" because she can't imagine being able to finish a contract under conditions where she does not receive enough rest or encouragement.
The average person needs 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Adult workers also need some personal and leisure time to bathe, care for their things, read the news, catch up with friends and family via Facebook, etc. Sometimes employers say "she's off work at 10 and starts work at 6 a.m. That's 8 hours for sleep." So no time for bathing, doing her beauty routine, checking in with her kids or significant other? No reading the news or checking in with friends on FB?
I know your house is busy, but as an employer - it is your job to manage the time and make sure your employees have reasonable rest time.
Another customer almost lost her helper of 6 years because they were arguing over the time she should be home on her day off. From 0-6 y.o. this woman has cared and helped raise the kids and there was a real possibility that she wouldn't renew over being late 15-30 minutes on her day off. Fortunately the employer decided to trust her and relax about the curfew and the relationship is intact and strong.
A little consideration will help you keep a good employee.
Employer Orientation June 2018
June 2018 Employer Orientation
Kathy Lam of I-Care Family teaches our Employer Orientation, where customers learn how to better manage a Filipino worker. When you hire a helper you take on the task of managing a worker from a completely different culture and mindset. Our goal is to help you FIND AND KEEP A GOOD HELPER. If you don't learn some basics about their cultures and what motivates them, you won't be able to keep a good worker. Registration for classes is available on our homepage. Protect your investment, attend Employer Orientation!
Are your household chemicals killing you?
Let's be honest - some Hong Kong people are germaphobes "git pik". We've lived through SARS, Bird flu, pig flu, and we're waiting in fear for the next big epidemic. Because of this fear overuse of cleaning chemicals is common.
Domestic helpers who do most of the cleaning are exposed to high levels of toxic chemicals. Worse yet, the infants and toddlers in these families are playing on and laying on surfaces that have sprayed and wiped with harsh chemicals.
One mother explained to me that the reason her house must be totally disinfected is because her children suffer from asthma and frequent skin rashes SO any and all dust or allergens must be eliminated. She didn't consider that the cause of her children's difficulties in breathing and their skin problems might lie with the chemicals the helper uses everyday to keep the house clean.
A recent study from Norway found that frequent use of some household cleaning materials is as damaging to the lungs as smoking 20 cigarettes a day.
Overuse of common household cleaners can damage your lungs as much as smoking 20 cigarettes a day! Imagine what these chemicals may be doing to your children whose lungs are still not fully mature. There are many safe alternatives to using harsh chemicals in the home and I urge parents to do some homework and find alternatives that won't threaten the health of our family and those who work for us.
Joan from Tipsbulletin sent me this link on how to make your own homemade glass-cleaner.
There are many websites dedicated to this topic. Here's one. I hope your home will be both safe and clean...
Here’s a link to the Hometipsworld Network Facebook page.
4 Things to Do Before You Say "You're Fired!" OR Before Your Helper Resigns
Is your helper starting to lose heart? to drift away? Does it seem like she is not as committed to you and your family as she used to be? Are you thinking that maybe you should replace her before things go downhill even more? Replacing a helper is expensive, takes a large amount of energy and doesn't always improve things. Before you say "you're fired" try these 4 things first:
Demonstrate concern
Ideally, you should have regular meetings with your helper. Sit down at the kitchen table, have a cup of coffee and take a few minutes to ask "How is it going?", "Are you getting enough food? rest?" "Do you have any concerns?" If you notice a downhill trend in her performance you could ask, "Lately you seem more absent-minded than before. What's going on? Is there anything you want to talk about?" Be patient and give her a chance to share. Filipinos are fearful about complaining so you need to be open, non-defensive, and ready to listen OR she will clam up.
Provide Extra Training
Most helpers have worked overseas in other countries before, but the standards for hygiene and cleanliness do not compare well with Hong Kong. Good training will involve the following steps:
- Demonstrate how you want something done.
- Let them do it while you observe and correct their technique until they do it up to a basic acceptable standard.
- Set a time goal for how long the work should take, e.g., cleaning the bathroom should normally take 30 minutes. Don't expect them to work fast in the beginning. Focus on doing the work right, then gradually doing the work quickly. NOTE: There is no point in having time related goals IF you constantly interrupt them and call them away to do another task.
- Regularly inspect to make sure quality control is maintained and the new standard becomes a habit.
- Show appreciation for new skills. Filipinos love to hear "well done!"
Hong Kong has many classes available for helpers on Chinese cooking, infant care, etc. You may want to consider investing in your helper and sending her to outside training. She'll appreciate it and you will enjoy the dividends of your investment. Arrow offers classes through I-Care Family on Child Safety, Infant Care, etc.
Improve the Work Environment
One lady recently contacted me asking if she can quit after one week. She is eating the leftovers from the evening dinner (after everyone else has finished), sleeps on the sofa, works long hours AND the employer nags and criticizes constantly. I asked her what one thing she'd like to change and she said "the nagging and criticism". Some Hong Kong employers create a hostile work environment and then wonder why they have such bad luck and cannot keep a helper.
- Does your helper has some breaks during her workday to catch her breath and relax for a few minutes?
- How many hours a day does she work? If she is up at 6 a.m. and off at 10 p.m. that is a 16 hour day. Does that seem reasonable or humane?
- Does she have time to herself and time to contact her family?
- Does she have adequate privacy?
- Does she enjoy a full day off every week?
Be flexible and allow change
If your approach to supervising workers is "my way or the highway" then don't be surprised if your helper doesn't finish her contract. Filipinos come to work in Hong Kong because they need money BUT they finish their contracts only if they are happy with their work situation. An unhappy helper will easily quit, money or no money. A little flexibility in the how the work is organized and carried out can help you retain a good helper. Do you insist that she do the ironing at night after washing the dishes? Your helper believes this will give her arthritis and that you have ill intent toward her. Allowing her to do the ironing at another time in the day will show that you are flexible and sensitive to her concerns. Helpers want to work for employers who take their concerns to heart.
Hiring a helper is the easy part, learning to manage a worker from another culture is a huge challenge. At Arrow we have a goal: Help our customers FIND and KEEP good helpers. If your struggling in your adjustment with your new helper, try these 4 suggestions before you terminate or she resigns.
God bless! Happy Chinese New Year!
NOTE: I stole the basic idea for this post from an article in The Economics Times entitled "Five ways to deal with a disengaged employee". You can read their article here.
When you hire a mother
Most of our customers are couples expecting their first or second child and they naturally want to hire a woman who is "married" and "has kids". So it is no surprise that most of Arrow's helpers have children under 18 years of age. I conducted a short poll on our webpage and more than 90% of the respondents have children under 18 years of age. Our poll targeted mothers, so pure singles did not respond. Still, we know that great majority of helpers deploying through Arrow are mothers. I began thinking more about this after one of our helpers resigned her job. Her employer liked her very much and she also liked her employer. She resigned because she had lost touch with her 12-year-old daughter and felt that she had to go home and check to make sure her daughter was okay. I began to ask myself "what effect does the Hong Kong work schedule have on mothers who have left children behind in the Philippines? Is there anything an employer might do to help them keep their family ties strong? Have you ever thought "My helper is also a mother - when does she talk to her children?" "How does she keep her family ties strong?" Here's what we've learned -
How often do you speak with your kids?
Exactly 1/2 of respondents connect with their kids every day. They use Facebook messenger, Skype, Viber, etc. Some ladies I know get up at 4 a.m. daily to talk to their kids before they leave for school. They then go back to bed for a while and arise again to take care of their employers' children. Their commitment is amazing. The fact that 1/2 of respondents can contact their kids every day is, I hope, an indication that we have customers who are sensitive to the needs of their helpers and flexible enough to give them time each day to call their children. I wish I had asked the question "How often would you like to speak to your children?" I wonder about the other 50% - would they speak to their kids more if they could?
Most respondents connect with their children on a daily basis
What is the best time of day to contact your children?
Most respondents (87%) told us that the best time to contact their kids is between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. Only 13% would prefer to talk to their children from 10 p.m. - 6 p.m. Unfortunately the prime times for helpers to contact their children are also busy times for employers and their children. The helper who takes good care of her employer's children may end up losing touch with her own kids.
What should I do?
The best time for your helper to talk to her children is during work hours... so what should you do? If you are super strict and won't let her contact her kids during work hours then she may lose touch with them. If she loses the connection with her kids - the chances of her resigning will increase. So what should you do?
Talk to her about her family needs
Discuss this issue with your helper? Ask her "When is the best time for you to talk to your kids? 2nd best time? 3rd? How long do you need to talk to your kids every day? 15 min? 1/2 hour? etc. Tell her what will and what won't work for you. If you agree to a time during work hours then make a clear agreement with her about when she will talk to her family and for how long. Afterwards occasionally monitor the situation and if you find she is not keeping to the agreement remind her about the agreement she made and tell her you that you expect her to abide by your agreement.
If your helper is able to keep strong ties to her family, then she will feel confident to continue working here in Hong Kong. If she has an employer who remembers that she too is a parent who loves and needs to stay in touch with her kids, then she will stay loyal and will hopefully continue to serve your family for many years.
How to handle the arrangement of food of your domestic helper
~by Kathy Lam Lai King
What does the contract say about food?
5(b). The Employer shall provide the helper with suitable and furnished accommodation as per the attached Schedule of Accommodation and Domestic Duties and food free of charge. If no food is provided, a food allowance of HK$1053 a month shall be paid to the helper.
It seems easy to understand: employers can decide if they want to provide their foreign domestic helpers with food, or give them food allowance. However, what is the meaning of “providing food”? A few years ago Arrow conducted internal research, and was surprised to find out that lack of food is the most common reason for a helper to quit.
When studied in detail, we found that there are big difference between employers and helpers about the interpretation of the meaning of “ providing food”. Conflicting understandings of what it means to "provide food" lead to actual conflicts and premature terminations.
Common Conflicts on Food
Hong Kong Employers | Filipino Domestic Helpers |
eat 3 meals per day, i.e. breakfast, lunch, dinner. | eat 5-7 times per day breakfast, lunch, dinner AND afternoon tea +/- morning snack before breakfast, morning tea, night snack. |
Assume they are reasonable employers because they provide the helpers food for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Believe that the helpers should buy their own snacks. | Assume their employer will provide food whenever she is hungry, that means provide 5-7 meals per day. |
Think helpers should eat whatever the employer provides. | May dislike the food the employers provide. |
Feel offended if the helper ask for food allowance.
| If the employer fails to provide them with enough food or they dislike the food provided they will ask for the "food allowance". They do not want to have conflicts with employers over food and this seems to them a reasonable alternative. |
Some employers want their helper to eat healthy. Other employers do not care if the food the helper eats is healthy & provide the helpers with food of poor nutritional value, e.g. instant noodle, congee, canned food, leftovers, food from McDonalds etc. | Some helpers don't worry about healthy or not, they just buy whatever is affordable and familiar. Other helpers like to eat healthy and eat fresh food, dislike the food left overnight, canned food and instant noodle. |
employers think all helpers should know where to find something to eat. If a helper does not know what and when to eat, she should ask the employer. | Some helpers are hungry because of they do not know what/when to eat, or they are afraid to eat if the employer does not tell her what to eat. Filipinos are shy to ask question related to food. |
How to avoid/resolve conflicts over food
- Employers should talk about food openly with applicants
- During the interview ask applicants if they have dietary restrictions and state clearly what you expect the food arrangements will be.
- If they are unhappy with the food, will you consider giving them a food allowance instead? If so, tell them so when you confirm to hire them.
- If you choose to provide food, please state clearly what kind of food she can eat, what kind of food she cannot eat without your permission, what and when to eat for breakfast, lunch, if they need to wait for your permission before they can eat.
- If you choose to give a food allowance please give the allowance at the beginning of the month, not at the end of the month, so they have money to buy food.
- Respect their choice of food
Some employers and helpers like to eat healthy, some employers and helpers do not care if the food is healthy. If you give your helpers food allowance, you may advise them to eat healthy, but need to respect their choice on food. Helpers should not be picky about the food provided by the employer. If it is inadequate or not enough they should tell this to their employers and not be shy.
- Provide some snacks at home, so the helper can eat when they feel hungry.
Learn more insights on how to manage a Filipino worker by attending our Employer Orientation Class (僱主裝備班). You will learn about the common problems that arise between employers and helpers and how to prevent and resolve them.
Philippines Labor Secretary Suspends OECs until 1/12/2017
The Secretary for Labor in the Philippines has temporarily suspended the issuance of Overseas Employment Certificates while they do some "investigation". The Overseas Employment Certificate OEC is issued to a worker who will leave the Philippines to work overseas. The OEC is issued AFTER the person has received a travel visa from the country to which they are deploying. Even if your helper has a visa to work in Hong Kong, they cannot leave the Philippines without an OEC. If your helper is expected to arrive in Hong Kong in late November or early December there will almost certainly be a delay. MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR OUTSIDE HELP ASAP. If your helper is expected to arrive late December or early January there may still be delays. The last line of the notice says "subject to extension as circumstances may require".
What can you do? Call and write the Philippines Consulate and complain. Talk to the Hong Kong Labor Department and ask them to pressure their Philippines counterpart to deal with the problem in a less disruptive way.
Philippines Overseas Labor Office: polo.hongkong@yahoo.com
Hong Kong Labor: enquiry@labour.gov.hk
If you need your helper asap, make some noise!
Arrangement of work and holiday in times of typhoons and rainstorm
Hong Kong is frequented by tropical cyclones (commonly known as “typhoons”) and rainstorms during the summer months. It is essential for employers and foreign domestic helpers(FDHs) to set out reasonable and practicable rest / work in the tropical cyclone warning (hereinafter referred to as "typhoon warning") or rainstorm warning arrangement. This helps to prevent unnecessary disputes and confusion, maintain good employer-domestic helper relationship.
What should an employer do?
Employers should consult and involve FDHs in working out prior work arrangements and contingency measures for typhoon signal number 8 or above or black rainstorm warnings. *
Typhoon affected period
If the Observatory issued a typhoon signal number 1 or 3 and announced that it had the opportunity to switch to the No. 8 typhoon on the day of the FDH’s holiday, the weather condition would continue to deteriorate. The employer should consider one of the following possible arrangements:
1.advise the FDH not to go out for safety reasons, take the holiday at home and rest.
2. cancel the holiday, but work. Employer will give ee holiday replacement, or pay FDH for working in the holiday.
3. FDH still goes out for holiday.
1. The employer should advise the FDH not to go out for safety reasons, take the holiday at home and rest.
Rest at home also prevent the risk that the FDH may ask to stay outside because of the problem of traffic.
If the FDH agrees to rest at home, the employer shall not ask the FDH to work on the rest day. <<Employment Ordinance>> says the employer should not ask the FDH to work during the rest day. Unless the FDH volunteer to at rest.
As FDH may not be able to go out under such weather conditions, employers should also provide food and drinking water at home for FDH’s consumption where appropriate.
2. The employer can also discuss with the FDH, if she agrees to cancel the rest day, to work.
If the FDH agrees, the employer would pay wages, or give a separate rest day. Employers may consider giving typhoon or rainstorm allowances as an encouragement if your FDH are willing to work in times of typhoons and rainstorms.
Provide employees with adequate facilities and equipment such as safety helmets and raincoats to ensure their safety at work.
3. FDH still goes out for holiday
If you choose to let your FDH to go out for holiday under a possible typhoon No. 8, you should consider to let her leave home before the typhoon warning signal is no. 8 is issued (public transport services are still working) and understand that she may not be able to come on time due to actual difficulties. Be flexible.
The employer should provide the FDH the urgent contact number, so FDH can inform the employer immediately if she cannot come on time because of any reason.
During the rainstorm
When the black rainstorm warning is in effect, the road may be heavily flooded and the weather is bad. For the sake of the safety of the FDH, the employer should ask the helper to rest at home until the Black Rainstorm Warning is canceled. Unless the parties have agreed in advance of the relevant work arrangements.
* Employers may refer to t<<The Code of Practice under Typhoon and Rainstorm Warning>> to formulate the work arrangements and contingency measures for Typhoon Warning No. 8 or above or Black Rainstorm Warning. For more information, please visit the following website: http://www.labour.gov.hk/eng/public/wcp/Rainstorm.pdf
If the employer has further question, please contact the Labor Department at 2718 1771 (this hotline is available from "1823") on the Labor Department's website: http://www.labour.gov.hk
颱風警告或黑色暴雨警告下的工作/假期安排
香港夏季常有熱帶氣旋（俗稱“颱風”）和暴雨，因此僱主必須和外傭盡快訂明在熱帶氣旋警告（下稱“颱風警告”）或暴雨警告下合理而切實可行的休息/ 工作安排。這些安排可避免不必要的爭拗及混亂，有助維持良好的僱傭關係。
僱主應該怎樣做？
僱主應諮詢您的外傭，及讓她/她們參與制定有關八號或以上颱風警告或黑色暴雨警告的工作或假期安排。*
颱風影響期間
假如天文台發出1或3號颱風警告，並宣布有機會在外傭放假當日轉掛8號風球，或當8號預警已發出，表示天氣情況會繼續惡化，僱主可考慮以下措施:
1 留在家中放假 或
2 取消該休息日，改為工作 或
3 繼續放假外出
1 留在家中放假
僱主可建議外傭為安全理由，不要外出，但照常休假，只是留在家中。同時，這也可避免後來若改掛8號風球時，外傭因冇車回家而要求在外留宿的可能。
若外傭同意放假但留在家中休息 , 僱主不得要求外傭在休息日工作，僱主若強迫外僱在休息日工作除，即屬違反<<僱傭條例>>的規定。(除非外傭自願在休息的工作)
2 取消該休息日，改為工作
如僱主和外傭同意，可以取消該休息日，改為工作。當然僱主應和外傭取得共識，僱主將會付該日工資，或另定休息日，代替原來指定的休息日。另， 僱主可考慮支付津貼予在颱風或暴雨下改為工作的外傭，以作鼓勵。
確保僱員在惡劣天氣下的工作安全，並為仍須工作的僱員提供足夠 的設施及裝備（例如安全帽及雨衣）。
3 繼續放假外出
若你選擇在有可能懸掛 8號風球的情況下讓外傭放假外出，應盡量在懸掛 8號風球前，讓她外出(公共交通服務仍正常運作)、體諒她可能因實際困難而未能準時回家，並作彈性處理。
僱主也應教導外傭，如遇到實際困難而令她未能按時回家，應盡快通知僱主。
暴雨影響期間
當黑色暴雨警告生效時，道路可能嚴重水浸和天氣情況惡劣。為外傭的安全著想，僱主應要求在家放假休息，直到黑色暴雨警告取消時，才外出放假。除非雙方事先已協定有關的工作安排。
*僱主可參考<颱風及暴雨警告下的工作守則>，以制定有關八號或以上颱風警告或黑色暴雨警告的工作安排及應變措施。詳情登入 以下網頁: http://www.labour.gov.hk/tc/public/pdf/wcp/Rainstorm.pdf
若僱主有其他疑問，可直接聯絡勞工處，查詢熱線：2717 1771（此熱線由「1823」接聽）或登入勞工處網頁：http://www.labour.gov.hk
幼 兒 照 顧 服 務 Child Care Services
社會福利署非致府機構提供多元化的幼兒照顧服務，以支援一些因工作或其他原因而暫時未能照顧子女的父母。這服務也可舒緩僱主因外傭辭職/ 新外傭未能及早到港，引致沒人照顧嬰幼兒的壓力：
http://www.swd.gov.hk/tc/index/site_pubsvc/page_family/sub_listofserv/id_childcares/
The Social Welfare Department in Hong Kong provides Child Care Services to assist parents who cannot take care of their children because of work or other reasons. This services can reduce the stress of employers if your existing helper resign/ new domestic helper cannot come early.
For detail, please click the link below and read:
http://www.swd.gov.hk/en/index/site_pubsvc/page_family/sub_listofserv/id_childcares/
外傭申請中國旅遊簽證的手續 Requirements of Supporting Documents for Domestic Helpers Applying for Visas to China
常聽到僱主查詢："若想幫我的外傭申請去中國的旅遊簽證，應怎辦？”若這也是你的關注，可登入以下網頁(清楚說明提交申請時所需的文件):
http://www.ctshk.com/visa/chinaVisa.htm#
It is common for employers to ask, "How to help my domestic helper to apply for visa to China?" The link below states clearly the documents required when submit the application:
http://www.fmcoprc.gov.hk/eng/vtc/t1202489.htm
Child Care, First Aid & CPR Course
There is a 11 hour course is for domestic helpers who care for your babies and young children. The course covers Child Care, First Aid & CPR and is held in a real home so that all safety scenarios in your helper’s exercises are in realistic situations.
有一個11小時的課程，是為裝備你的菲傭照顧你的寶寶和幼兒而設。該課程涵蓋幼兒護理、急救和心肺復蘇術。
詳情請登入以下網頁For detail, please click:
http://thefamilyzone.hk/courses/helpers-child-care-first-aid-cpr/
FREE Cantonese Classes for Foreign Domestic Helpers 免費廣東話班
Good news to employer and foreign domestic helpers!!
An Organisation Cheer holds F
Good news to employer and foreign domestic helpers!!
An Organisation Cheer holds FREE Cantonese Classes for foreign domestic helpers. Any domestic helpers who can understand and speak English can register for the class. Register now!!
基督教機構Cheer舉辦免費廣東話班, 導師將會用英語教授廣東話。有興趣的僱主請盡快為你的家庭外籍女傭(不拘國籍,懂得聽英文便OK)報名。名額有限,先到先得!!
Any domestic helpers who can understand and speak English can register for the class. Register now!!
基督教機構Cheer舉辦免費廣東話班, 導師將會用英語教授廣東話。有興趣的僱主請盡快為你的家庭外籍女傭(不拘國籍,懂得聽英文便OK)報名。名額有限,先到先得!!
The importance of regular feedback
Filipinos come to Hong Kong because they need money, but they stay because they feel happy. If they don't feel happy they won't stay. Their job satisfaction is related to the feedback you give them. If you don't give them feedback they will assume that they are not doing a good job and that you don't like them. If you give them feedback even if it is partially corrective they will appreciate it because they know they are accepted and doing an ok job. If you give them some positive feedback they will go "off The Charts" happy and send me a message like the one you see below.
You can find some guidelines on how to do a performance review here: http://arrowes.hk/more/. At Arrow our goal is to help you find and KEEP a good helper.
Maid lead children to safety
http://www.atimes.com/article/maid-leads-children-safety-hong-kong-fire/
Does your helper know what to do in case of emergency? Do you have emergency protocols and numbers written down and easily accessible?
Maid lead children to safety
http://www.atimes.com/article/maid-leads-children-safety-hong-kong-fire/
Does your helper know what to do in case of emergency? Do you have emergency protocols and numbers written down and easily accessible?
處理學前孩子的進食問題
當孩子六個月開始,便可以開始進食固體食物。由這時到學前的兒童, 我不時會聽到家長們申訴, 他們的孩子有不同的進食問題。要安排孩子們完成一頓飯,好像打仗般, 困難重重, 令他們非常頭痛。
常見進食問題
學前兒童常見的飲食問題包括: 不肯乖乖坐下吃飯、偏食、拿食物玩耍、不肯自己吃飯、打翻食物、吃得很慢、發脾氣、一邊進食, 一邊玩玩具/手提電話/掌上電腦等等。
常見成因
1. 家長對孩子不同時期成長的特質認識不足, 以致對孩子有有不切實際的期望。
a.學前兒童專注時間比較短,容易分心。如果用餐時間長, 或他們覺得悶,便會想四處走動。加上這年紀的孩子對四周事物都會充滿好奇心, 他們喜歡觸碰不同的東西。很難要求他們長時間乖乖坐在一個地方。
b. 孩子和大人一樣,對食物有偏好。只要孩子有均衡飲食,肯吃不同類的食物, 家長不必強迫他們吃不喜歡的食物。
c.孩子和大人一樣, 不會每天的胃口都一樣好。可能今天孩子可以吃半碗飯, 明天只想吃三分一碗飯就覺飽。不需要強迫孩子必需食完你所給他的所有份量,恐怕這次會令進餐變成苦差。
2.家長沒有為孩子建立有規律的飲食習慣。
有些家長任由孩子們隨時想吃就吃。結果孩子吃過多零食,到吃正餐的時間就沒有胃口。要為這些孩子建立有規律的飲食習慣會更困難。也有些家長為了鼓勵孩子吃正餐時不四處走動, 而給與孩子玩具/電子產品一邊玩、一邊吃飯; 哄孩子吃飯或餵飯, 結果無意中給與孩子額外的注意力, 鼓勵了他們不吃飯這不恰當的行為。
如何預防/解決學前孩子的進食問題
1定時定點進餐
食物的份量應該以孩子能夠吃完為準, 而非家長心中希望他吃多少。告訴他如食物份量不夠,孩子可以主動要求加添。無論孩子能夠吃完食物與否,在下一餐前, 他將不可以進食任何零食/小吃。
2給孩子時間心理準備
要孩子立刻停止正玩得興高采烈的遊戲/活動時間去進食, 對他們而言,是一件很掃興的事。他們不合作、不服從的機會很高。我們可以預先給孩子心理準備,如: 「雯雯,玩多一次這遊戲, 就去洗手吃飯。」或者「妹妹,要吃晚餐了,你可以玩多三分鐘, 就去洗手吃飯。」這樣, 係指會較容易和我們合作。
3和孩子定立用餐的規矩
這可增加他們順利吃完一頓飯的機會和效率。例如:吃飯時不可以擅自離開座位、進餐時不可同時玩玩具/手提電話/電腦/任何電子產品(當然,大人們都要以身作則)、不應無故或浪費食物、自己餵自己吃飯。
4獎勵及懲罰
若想孩子服從規矩, 要定明遵守規則的奬勵。如: 孩子如果乖乖坐着吃飯, 飯後可享用一個小吃,或帶他到公園逛。稱讚孩子將鼓勵他們更樂意的遵守用餐規矩。
同時,也要讓孩子知道不守規矩的後果。
i. 溫馨提示
如果孩子犯了小問題, 例如:吃得慢, 可以提醒他, 用餐的時間是30分鐘/45分鐘,夠鐘就會收拾所有食物。在下一次用餐前, 不會給孩子任何食物和小吃。
ii. 刻意忽略
有些孩子喜歡做一些小動作, 以吸引父母或照顧者的注意力。另外,在外用餐時, 有時孩子因為對四周的環境好奇, 喜歡東張西望。這時, 我們可刻意忽略這些小搗蛋的行為。給孩子過多的注意力,有時反而會鼓勵他們不恰當的行為。
iii. 懲罰
所有孩子都應該至少培養服從規矩的好習慣。如果孩子不理會大人的溫馨提示, 仍繼續不當的行為, 或破壞規矩, 便要為自己的行為負責, 接受後果。假如孩子在進餐時,做了些嚴重不恰當的行為, 便要接受懲罰。
如: 發脾氣、打翻食物, 我們可以把孩子帶到一旁, 告訴他他犯了什麼用餐規矩, 與他將要受到什麼懲罰, 然後執行。懲罰的方法可以有很多,包括:處罰孩子自己坐在一角兩分鐘, 然後才可以一起繼續進餐;取消去公園玩 。假如孩子認錯,或說:「對不起」,我們便要接納、原諒他們。可以稱讚他們:「知錯能改, 是好孩子。」
小結
以上的教導實際可行, 不用打罵孩子, 大家也可以改善學前孩子的進餐問題。假若父母或照顧者說一套、做一套, 或家中不同的照顧者沒有一致地堅決執行所定立的規矩, 只會變相鼓勵孩子不守規矩, 令他們進餐的問題變得更嚴重。願這分享能幫助所有家長或照顧者, 有效、輕鬆地處理學前孩子的進餐問題。
How to handle Preschool Children's Eating Problems ~By Kathy Lai King Lam
When a child reaches six months old, she/he can start to eat solid food. It is common to hear parents of preschool age children (3 years old & under) to complain that their children have different kinds of eating problems.
Common Eating Problems
Preschool children common eating problems include: difficulty sitting still and eating quietly until finishing a meal, dropping food on the floor, picky eater, playing with the food, refusing to eat on their own, eating very slow, temper tantrums, playing with toys, mobile phones etc while eating.
Common Reasons
Parents/Caregivers have little knowledge about the characteristics of children at different ages, so that they may have unrealistic expectations on them:
Preschool children’s attention span time is relatively short(usually less than 10 minutes), easy to be distracted. If the meal time is long, they feel bored and want to walk around. Also , preschool children of this age will be full of curiosity and like to explore different things by touching. It is difficult to make them sit still for a long time.
Preschool children have food preferences, like adults. As long as a child has a balanced diet, willing to eat different types of food, parents/caregivers should not force them to eat the food they dislike.
Normal preschool children’ s appetite may not be the same everyday. Maybe today a child can eat half a bowl of rice, tomorrow he/she wants to eat one third bowl of rice only and feels full. No need to force a child to eat all the amount of food you provide as this may make the child feel that eating is unpleasant experience.
Parents do not set up regular eating habit for their children.
Some parents let the children eat whenever they want. This results in the children eating more snacks, and then they have no appetite to eat at dinner time. It is difficult for this kind of family to set up regular eating habits for their kids. Some parents/caregivers give the children toys or electronic products to play while eating, in the hope that the children will not walk around when eating. Some want the children to eat faster, so they feed the children to speed things up even though the child is capable of feeding themselves. These result in giving the children extra attentio and reinforce inappropriate eating behaviors.
How to prevent /solve eating problems of preschool children
Prepare the children for the meal time.
If the children enjoy playing games and activities, they will feel very disappointed if they need to stop playing immediately. The chance that they do not cooperate is high. To minimize both the parents/caregivers and the children’s frustration, we can prepare the child by saying, "Jason, play this game for one more time, then go, wash hands and eat." Or " Maria, you can play three more minutes, then go to wash hands and have dinner." This helps the children to cooperate with us better.
Let the children eat the amount they can eat.
The amount of the food for the preschool children should be based on how much they can eat, NOT how much the parents/caregiver wants them to eat. Tell the children that if the food is not enough, they can take the initiative to ask for more. No matter the children can finish eating all the food or not, they should know clearly that they will not be given any snacks before next meal.
Set rules for the children during meal time
Clear rules will increase the chance of having a smooth mealtime. Here are some good rules to consider:Don't leave your seat when eating,
No playing with toys/ mobile phone/ tablet/ any electronic products while eating.(Because it will only distract the children, extend their eating time. of course, adults have to set a good model ourselves),
Don't play with food,
Don't waste food (???)
Feed yourself
Tips
Use a timer. If a child has a minor problem, for example: eating too slowly, we can set a count down timer and remind him/her that the meal time will end when the timer gets to zero. He/she should finish the food within the time limit. Before the next meal, we will not give the child any food and snacks.
Deliberately ignore some behavior: Some children like to do little tricks to attract the attention of parents/caregivers. Some children feel curious of their surroundings when eating outside and want to look around. In these cases the best thing to do is to deliberately ignore the behavior. Sometimes giving a child too much attention will encourage them to do more improper behavior.
Reward and Consequences
Rewards help the children to follow the rules and eat better. For example, if the
children sit and eat properly, they can enjoy a snack after dinner, or let the children enjoy 10 minutes more play time in the park. Also, praise the children for the good behaviour as it will encourage them to be more willing to comply with the meal rules. Also let the children know the consequences of non-compliance.
Punishment or Consequences: help children cultivate good habits and learn to obey the rules. If a child ignores the warning of adults, continues to do improper behavior, or breaks the rules, then they need to experience some negative consequences so that they will learn to take responsibility for their own actions.
For example, if a child has tantrums or throws food on the floor, we can bring the child to a corner, tell him that he violated a meal rule and will be subject to a consequence. There are many ways to punish a child including: make a child sit in the corner for two minutes before they can continue to eat together; cancel play time in the park, etc. If the child admits the misbehaviour, or says "sorry", we should accept and forgive them. We can praise them, "I appreciate that you admit and are willing to correct from your mistake, you are a good boy."
Summary
Meal times for small children do not need to become a "contest of wills" and misbehavior does not need to be resolved by physical punishment or shouting. If you follow these practical steps of relaxing your expectations about what and how much a child needs to eat, setting some basic rules along with rewards and consequences then meal time can be an enjoyable experience. The stress level at home will go down and life will improve for the children, the parents and the caregivers.
Kathy Lam is the Client Relationship Manager or Arrow Employment Services, registered nurse, Family Life Coach of I Care Family, a mother of 3 girls.